Last week, we rounded up our series on meeting the need of our spouses, I appreciate your feedback both in the comment section and phone calls. Some agreed with me that unmet need can lead to unhappiness, frustration and ultimately extra marital affair, but some believed that it is not possible to meet our spouse needs 100%. Well, maybe or maybe not, but I will recommend we watch a movie titled TEMPTATION: CONFESSIONS OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR by Tyler Perry, we will understand what could happen to anyone whose needs are not met in marriage.
Now let's move on to what we have to discuss this week.
People get married for different reasons, some of their reasons are good, some are not so good. Like we said in our previous series, a marriage will fail, if the parties involved don't know how to make each other happy. The society today has brought loads of confusion as to why people should get married, most of which cannot suffice to bring about success in marriage. We are gradually forgetting God's purpose for the union from creation.
Some of the wrong reasons why people get married include:
Low self esteem: Some people's self esteem is so low that they always need someone to affirm their positions and their rights. as such, they get married thinking it will make them feel any worth and give their lives meanings.
Marriage will not solve this problem, rather it will expose it. To get rid of our low self esteem, we need to remember that we are a member of a peculiar generation, we are royalties. The bible says we are fearfully and wonderfully created (Ps 139:14), as such we must find our self worth in our relationship with Christ.
To gain independence from Parents / home: Some people grow up in a not so happy home, where abuse (physical, verbal or even sexual) is the order of the day. Therefore they see marriage as their way out. For this kind of people, the likelihood that they will find fulfilment is low, they may just be exchanging one version of unhappiness for another.
To escape loneliness: Some people get married because they are lonely. Meanwhile loneliness is a thing of the mind. They have forgotten that their spouses will not be with them 24 * 7. It is possible to be married and live apart maybe due to job opportunities, career pursuit and so on. When this happens, will the fellow marry someone else? Aside that, we have people who are married, but live like complete strangers at home. Anyone who is wants to get married to escape this phase of life is likely going to make a wrong love choice. A miserable single can only be a miserable partner in marriage.
To be happy: You do not need to get married to be happy. For as long as you have a life and enjoy it as single person, you will not need to depend on your partner for your happiness.
Pressure from friends and family: A lot of us forget that this life is a personal race. We put ourselves under undue pressure because our friends are married with kids. Have you ever seen fingers that are equal.? For those in this situation, marrying the right person can be difficult as their sense of judgement will be clouded. They have forgotten that he who will come shall come.
Age is not in my side: As much as it's good to marry on time, not all of us will achieve it early. This affects both men and women really but hit harder on the women. They start getting worried as soon as the become 30 and before you know it panic may set in. With this in mind, they may want to give in to the first person who shows interest, even though, he / she may not be any good for them. At the end of the day, the happiness they are seeking eludes them such that they may separate from the marriage or just endure it.
Out of pity: Some people marry someone because they have pity on the person, not necessarily because they love the person. When that sympathy time is over, they will not be able to pull out, so they remain in such an unhealthy association.
Financial gain: Financial gain is another wrong reason by people get married. They are looking for someone who will be responsible for their spending. What happens when the partner isn't as rich as they use to be? Wahala will now start.
Physical beauty: It is a very fantastic idea to marry a beautiful lady or a handsome guy, at least for the sake of the children, everyone loves and appreciate cute children. However, one cannot afford to marry someone just because she or he is pleasing to behold. Because the Proverbs 31 : 30 says beauty is vain, it is only a woman /man that fears God that shall be praised. That beautiful person may be involved in an accident and fine face / figure damaged, what will you do?
Sex: The bible says we should not fornicate, this means that sex is only permitted in marriage. For this reason some people hurriedly get married so that their sexual needs can be met or so that they will not fornicate. Sex alone cannot make or break a marriage, so if one goes into a marriage for this singular reason, s/he may not find fulfilment.
These and many more are the wrong reasons for anyone people get trapped or involved in unhealthy relationships. I'm sure we know so many other wrong reasons why people get married, kindly share your thoughts.
Thanks for passing by, remember Wisdom builds the house, Understanding establishes it.
3 comments:
The wrong reasons not be married are clearly stated and explained. lots of people are aware of these but choose not to admit and still go ahead with getting married.
Intending couples should be encouraged to read good materials on marriage and also go for counseling before settling down.
Moderator, which in your opinion should be the most acceptable reason to get marry?
I wonder which of these reasons enumerated in the piece that we can adduce as the the best or worse to foster marriage. How I wish love grows on tress for anyone to pluck and take.
The few lessons i had at a very young age is that we could grow love, which is why the early comers detested the "love at 1st sight syndrome."
How is the 21st century wife/husband different from that of the other centuries of the past? The saying that "Owo l'obinrin mo" was somewhat relevant downplayed in the early centuries but so much relevant in this 2ist century.
We shouldn't marry for beauty or appearance yet this is the first attibute we see before all others that are hidden are seen or experienced.
I got married when i suspected my parent started visiting prayer houses, lest that will graduate into deliverances and night vigils.
Thank moderator for yet another beautiful piece.
I probably cannot agree less that in as much as one could take each of the points highlighted in this piece as important to have a fairly good and lasting marriage all other things being equal, it is unlikely one would take each in its stride as reason to want contract a marriage that will stand the test of through the thick and thin.
The question then is how could we ignore the financial sagacity of our spouse to be, his handsomeness/her beauty, how long shall we continue to absorb the pressure from our parent to settle down and the peer pressures?
It shall be well.
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