Dear Readers,
We
have a letter from one of our readers, he needs our honest and
sincere advice. Please see the letter below:
Good day Moderator,
Let us just say my name is anonymous. I have been married for a little less than one year, and marital life has been good until about 4 months ago when my wife took ill and was rushed to the hospital after she collapsed at the office and was unconscious.
After she became conscious, we went to see the doctor at his request, where he started counselling on how to manage the situation until further treatments commence. I was so shocked because I had thought it was kind of pregnancy induced illness. As soon as the doctor saw the rude shock on my face, he asked her “Madam, why is Uncle shocked? Is he not aware?” Without hesitation, I asked “aware of what”? The revelation I was privy to opened a new chapter in my life and our marriage.
My wife was diagnosed with kidney problem for almost 3 years now, even before I met her and have been managing it. To my greatest surprise, she never mentioned it to me, not even a day, and there are no symptoms that she has such ailment.
Fast forward till now, I am thinking of walking out of my marriage because I feel cheated and lured into the marriage. She knew she has such a problem, how come she never mentioned it? Now, she is begging me that she felt I would not have married her but she loves me so much she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
Please advise me. I honestly want to walk out simply because I feel deceived and tricked. Perhaps I would still have married her if I knew because I love her a great deal. I'm even tempted to discuss with our pastor, but I can guess the likely response and I'm not sure I would want to take his advice.
What should I do?
Waiting patiently for your response.
Hello
Good people,
We have said the period of courtship is a period of discovery and a asking / answering questions. The question now is “How much information should be provided during courtship?” Should she have kept this to herself knowing it will rear its head someday?
Please let us help our brother here and share our thoughts on the question at hand.
Thanks as always, remember a house is built by Wisdom, and established by Understanding.
God bless, have a great week.
2 comments:
Hello Anonymous
I quite appreciate your courage and sincerely in your communication, it's sad and unimaginable just knowing the health condition of your wife, and I am so sorry about that. For me, it is a learning point for those who are in courtship to ensure that there is openness in our communication during courtship.
Sir, you have given us every name to your wife's attitude, being deceived, lured in marriage, cheated and tricked but you what from us.. You have answered the question yourself in all truthfulness - "Perhaps I would still have married her if I knew because I love her a great deal".
Love is the ultimate bedrock any successful marriage, walking away from your marriage will not solve your unhappiness and betrayal, because you don’t' know what the next woman will do.
What is the reason for your marriage, did you marry for the following reasons
• We have dated long enough, and marriage is the next step.
• There are economic benefits from combining incomes into one household.
• We want sex without guilt.
• We are adults, and marriage is what’s expected. (They want to get their parents off their backs.)
• We are lonely, and need the companionship.
• We want to escape a bad situation—abusive parents, pregnancy, etc.
At the heart of most of these reasons for marriage is the big "me". People are getting married for self-centered reasons, not God-centered purposes, the description of "me" affects everyone, which is what can be termed as - the universal human condition. We are self-centered; and so our self-centered tendency, carried into marriage, creates two self-centered people trying to negotiate enough well out of this deal so that they can co-exist.
What can bring us out of this self-centered tendency is known as the power of Love
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
I saw this online article which talks about love, I will really appreciate if you can read through with a sincere heart - http://www.icr.org/article/power-love/
This is what your need now for your wife and together, you guys can face the challenge and be victorious.
The truth here is that your wife was afraid to tell you about her health situation because she feared that you will not marry her if you knew and your reaction now that you know is a clear picture that she may have been right to fear such. You don't want to talk to your Pastor because you know he will tell you to stay.
She married you knowing fully well that she had a situation because she loved you so much and wanted to spend her life with you, no matter what and also in a hope that with time, with God and with your love she can regain full health and live and enjoy the beauty of marriage.
You want to leave because you are scared you may lose her at anytime and be alone, not because she lured or tricked you. Love should not be afraid. Jesus worked with His disciples, lived with them and shared everything with them even when he knew He will have to die on the cross, because of true love. Your reaction is similar to that of Peter when he knew Jesus was going to die and leave them; fear and anger. This is the reaction of most humans, however Jesus taught Peter and the disciples to think differently.
The real question here is if the tables where turned and you where in her situation (God forbid) what will you have done. She was wrong not to have told you, as courtship is a time to share all. You wouldn't lose her, God will keep her. I believe with understanding and love you two can pull through. Love forgives and love gives a second chance. Do not be afraid.
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