Who can I marry?

Good morning Peeps,

As humans, we make decisions every time on everything and anything, and the decisions we make can either make or mar us. If we do not make the right decision on some issues, the consequences could live with us a lifetime causing pain, agony, resentment among other negatives.

As a matter of fact, our lives are products of decision making. We take decisions on career matters, where to live, where to work, who to relate with, where to eat, what to wear and who to spend the rest of our lives with are not excluded from this process. Marriage is a life time contract and you want to get it right from the beginning.

Often times, people say “I love him”. "I just can't do without her”. The truth is there is no one you cannot live without, but it's important to marry someone you can live with.

Love is important in marriage but it cannot on its own sustain it. Love is defined as “a strong feeling of affection” according to the free dictionary. Now, if it's a feeling, it means I can feel it today and not exactly feel it some other times. If today I take a decision to be someone's life partner when I feel him / her based on my feelings, what will happen when I don't feel like that anymore? The feelings will fade, and in order not to have a total collapse of the marriage, other virtues in the relationship will hold it. A lasting marriage requires commitment and hard work from both parties.

A time comes in our lives when we seem to meet spouse materials. They come in their numbers, and that can leave us confused. Then the question as to who to agree or talk to comes in. How is A better than B? Why should I agree to C and not D? Below are some of the issues to take seriously even though a lot more demand attention.

 

• Maturity (Physical and Emotional): Age is not a function of maturity but could be a measure of it. It plays a vital role in the success or otherwise of a relationship. According to Heather in His article on The Importance of Maturity in Marriage, age gives you time to really know and understand yourself, understand what you need in a spouse, and what you have to offer a spouse. With the legal age of adulthood in the country being 18, you will want to consider an adult as spouse. Beyond physical maturity, it's also important to marry someone who is emotionally mature. Emotional maturity is your ability to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. This implies that you´re able to check emotions, evaluate others’ emotional state, and to persuade their judgment and actions. You don't want a “mummy's boy” or “daddy's girl” for a spouse - one who can hardly take decisions and stand by them. It is not out of place to seek counsel once in a while- from the right people, that is, you do not want some guy whose choices are swayed by friends, neither do you want to associate with a lady who is always crying home to daddy after each and every argument. Their ability to handle anger, disappointment, hurt is also very key, otherwise there will always be clashes from time to time which can cause a complete break down in the relationship. Truth is arguments will ensue, but the ability to resolve them amicably, and also forgive the erring partner is vital to the success of the relationship. For example, Joseph, the earthly father of our Lord Jesus Christ demonstrated a high level of maturity as he considered putting Mary away secretly to avoid a public disgrace when he discovered that she was pregnant until the Angel of the Lord appeared to him – Matt 1:18 – 20.

• Respect: This is a two sided coin. First, your to-be spouse should be someone who respects his parents. Otherwise, according due respect to your parents may not be so easy. Secondly, s/he must respect you too. A man who respects a woman will not physically assault her, neither will a respectful woman.

 

• Integrity: Simply put, it is “say what you mean and mean what you say”. The bible encourages us to let our Yes be Yes and our No, No. - Matt 5: 37. To have integrity is to be honest. Does he do what he says he will do?. If she says I'll call you back, does she do that?  Is he consistent? You don't want to entrust your life to someone who is not consistent in his way of doing things. To marry someone who lacks integrity is to sign up for a life of unhappiness and worries.


• Productive Engagement: It's acceptable for a man to marry a non-working woman – though not recommended, but it's out of place for a woman to marry a man who doesn't have any source of income. Why? He should be able to provide basic needs for the family, even the bible says that anyone who will not provide for his household is worse than an infidel – 1 Tim 5: 8.
  
  
• Vision: A man or a woman without vision has nothing to aspire to, as such has no future. Helen Keller said that the only thing worse than being blind is to have sight without vision.
  
  
• Compatibility in Principles: This is also worthy of note. Talking about how to manage finances, in-laws, sexuality (homosexual), bribery issues etc.

Well, let's take a breather for today. Till next week Tuesday, may the Wisdom of God guide our decisions.