Effective Communication

Seun and Brenda have been married for two years. They both work in the bank. Often times it's after Brenda comes home late in the evening that she will rush into the kitchen to make dinner and put the living room together even though the husband might have been home some hours earlier. This usually makes her stay up till very late in the evening which makes her feel her husband is enslaving her.
 

Instead of discussing the issue with Seun and solicit for his help, she would just murmur to herself. Sometimes, she would say “I'm getting stressed on this job, I think I want to quit” or she would say “One is just working herself up in this house with out any form of assistance”. But Seun didn't understand why she was always complaining , so he began to see her as a nag. Eventually, he began to stay away from home because the home was no longer as welcoming as it used to be - according to his view. Things degenerated so badly that it caused a break in communication between them. In short, one could no longer tolerate the other, and they decided to separate (not divorce) from each other, perhaps they can rediscover themselves to fall in love again. They are still living apart 8 months after they took that decision.

This couple's story leads us to our discussion for today which is Effective Communication. We already know that communication is a way by which information is received and sent. But sometimes, what is sent is not what is received. This can lead to assumptions which is the mother of all frustrations. You will agree with me that there won't be need to send any information if it will not be received as sent. In that light, effective communication is a way of ensuring that the message sent is rightly received and accurately interpreted by the receiver.

In the story above, Brenda was expecting Seun to read between the lines and then come to her rescue, but it would not have been out of place to sit with her hubby and have a heart- to-heart discussion on the subject matter, after which they can reach an agreement on the way forward. Seun on the other hand, could also have tried to understand why Brenda suddenly became a “nag” since she wasn't like that from the onset. He could have tried to understand her position and offer possible help.

Having established that it as equally important for the receiver of a message to receive it rightly and interprete it accurately, how then can we communicate with our spouses effectively. Few of the ways are considered here:

• Be clear: Say it as you mean it. Don't expect your spouse to become a mind reader just to respond and meet your need, otherwise you will be setting him/her up for failure and yourself for disappointment.
• Be Open: Do not try to hide some part of the information you intend to pass across. Afterall, Adam and Eve were naked and they were not ashamed Gen 2:18
• Be calm: Comport yourself when you are discussing with your spouse, otherwise, it could result into argument and the purpose for the communication will be lost.
• Focus on the discussion at hand – don't refer to the past: As soon as you bring up the past in the present discussion, I will immediately be on the defensive and that will make me lose focus of the discussion at hand.
• Listen more, talk less: James 1 : 19 encourages us to be quick to listen but slow to talk. One way to achieve effective communication is to listen to your partner as s/he talk and don't try to interrupt or don't just sit there waiting for your turn to talk. Also, drop whatever you are doing. It should not be a time to ping friends, jump from one gossip site to another or play FIFA football on PS3.
• Be respectful: The fact that you are “right” on the issue at hand should not give you the audacity to speak so disrespectfully to your spouse.

I guess we can relate with all these, we pray God will give us understanding to establish our homes in Jesus name (Amen).