Hello Peeps,
Success doesn't happen automatically in all areas of our lives. It takes planning to achieve a very substantial level of success in whatever we do. Most times, we require knowledge to plan for success which is based on information available to us.
For instance, one doesn't become a medical doctor by chance , but goes through many years of learning , because we believe it's the foundation to achieving our set goal. So rather than leave the success of our career to chance , we plan carefully for it.
Now, if we can spend so many years preparing for the success of a career that can change at any time, why are we not careful enough to plan for the success of the marriage that should last a lifetime? Please don't get me wrong,there is absolutely nothing wrong with preparing for our careers,but one should plan equally if not more before walking the aisle otherwise one may become successful in career with a failed marriage.
Jesus Christ himself stressed the importance of planning when he said anyone who intends to build a house should first sit down and count the cost to be sure he has enough to bring it to completion, otherwise he could be inviting a show of shame if he starts and is unable to complete it…Luke 14:28-30.
Talking about house building, after counting the cost, you also want to ensure that other things are in place like quality of cement, blocks, qualified engineers etc so that when “the rain and flood come and the wind blows, it remains strong”.. In the same vein, achieving success in marriage also involves building on the right foundation with the right materials so that it can withstand the storm of life.
Few of the materials needed to achieve success in marriage include:
The Word of God: One needs the word of God to bring understanding. The deeper the understanding, the better, else one might be riding on the principle of the world.
Love: Love in marriage is more that just emotions or feelings. It is actually a choice. You have to choose to love your spouse deliberately with a choice of daily renewal, knowing fully well that it’s your decision that will help you through when there is dispute or when you are tempted to get involved with that attractive colleague at work.
Trust: For a marriage to be successful , the couple must trust each other totally. One of the things that can easily destroy a marriage is distrust. It thrives in an atmosphere of resentment, bitterness and suspicion. Personally, I can't deal with someone who is not trustworthy. It can result in insecurity and infidelity which can have a lifelong effect on the family.
When you tell me you are going to Festac, and you are seen in Mowe without subsequent communication by you, it can be disheartening. How do you expect me to trust you with my life when you are not truthful on a simply issue as this?
Patience : This is also fundamental in building a successful marriage. Marriage involves two people from two different backgrounds with different temperaments, likes and dislikes and sometimes culture. For this reasons, both parties will need to make major modifications to their ways of life. Sometimes, there are differences that need to be resolved. Patience is that critical key to deal with the conflicts and adjust to these differences.
Let us stop here today but hope to conclude on the topic next week, always bear in mind that Wisdom builds the house and Understanding establishes it.
6 comments:
Marriage to the best of my experience is never a straight jacket thing but for God. Yes the word of God, trust, patience, endurance, faithfulness, openness tolerance, liquidity and some more are possible tools one would need to at have a fairly comfortable marriage.
Above all, there is never a recommended template that works perfectly in two homes.
Marriage to the best of my experience is never a straight jacket thing but for God. Yes the word of God, trust, patience, endurance, faithfulness, openness tolerance, liquidity and some more are possible tools one would need to at have a fairly comfortable marriage.
Above all, there is never a recommended template that works perfectly in two homes.
Hmmmmmmm, successful marriage? i guess we all would crave for a very successful marriage but who measures the success of a marriage? the two people in it or the outsiders who look from afar?
Are we sure we really can list all that it is required to have the so called successful marriage? from my point of view, we cannot and no marriage will have everything. may be we just talk about a well managed marriages.
I have been married for close to 10years and married to a man i love. we are very comfortable and do not have any worries about life. My experience before child bearing was miles apart to what i have thereafter and for no fault of my own. You probably know the Yorubas would always say "A se se yan ale bii ka gbe ra eni pon lo n ri, to ba pe a fi enu ara eni we t'igi te'ye." I am still in the marriage and to the outsiders we are seen as running a successful marriage whereas i am still in it just for the 2 lovely kids we have together and may be pride of not want to go through a divorce, a kind of "Ile eni la ti n je ekute onidodo." because it would appear i am finding joy outside my marriage in the past 2 years.
I hope no one is thinking i am kind of oldies, no i would be 36 in few days to come and ori mi wa n be seriously. It is well sha.
Successful/ happy marriage!!! In my opinion requires conscious effort to achieve. it wont just jump on our laps. For me Patience and Trust are doing the magic, I have learnt patience over the years and to trust absolutely. Never had a reason to doubt or suspect, maybe he is "doing" or not, I don't know, but chose to trust completely.
May be i should wait a while to read the concluding part of this week's issue before i would make my comments but in the interim will say, successful marriages in this part of the world is a very tall order.
Do we really think it is possible to have "marriages as God intended" if yes, why would pastors be caught in divorce? How many of us, the married, who could say boldly that we do not have admirers, or someone we have emotional entanglement with outside our marriages?
I am just about 3 year old in my marriage, doing well but there is guy in my office (a two step senior colleague) i am having a crush on and his sight drives me......
I have read thru all the comments here and I'm really amazed. I had a near adulterous experience, I mean after I got married. But just as I was going to give in, I retraced my steps. What I'm saying is that, there will always be someone to admire even 5 mins after saying 'I do', but it takes serious determination and of course, grace not give in.
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