Time Wasters

Hello Good people,

Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year in advance.

Dennis and I met in our first year in the university as we were going through the registration process. Luckily we were to be in the same department, as such we became friends from then on. We would go and read together, went for lunch together, practically did everything together. 

This went on for about 3 years. Most of our colleagues had undoubtedly believed we were courting, and expected us to get married - the relationship was quite strong, and this kept many would-be suitors away. Dennis on his part had never asked me out, we just continued to be friends.

However, by the time we got to 1st semester part 4, I had to ask what he was up to as far as the relationship was concerned. But alas, he told me that he had never considered a higher education level of relationship with him because he perceived me more of a sister than a girlfriend or fiancé as the case may be.

This story forms the basis of our discussion this week. How do we identify time wasters? Before I proceed, I will like to state here that it's not only men that can be described as time wasters, ladies as well can be. In fact, some of us might have been in this state before when we knew that we were not ready or interested in any serious relationship but we were just hanging there maybe because we were enjoying the attention or we felt the company of the person was boosting our 'CV'. 

These guys and ladies are just around - you go out together, sometimes even hold hands, go see movies, had lunch dates etc., yet he is not formally asking you out or discussing relationship or you have asked the lady out but she wouldn't give a definite response. Yet she is involved with you. Some of them even go as far as expressing jealousy nod possessiveness when they see you with people of opposite gender, so much so that you may even need to begin to apologize. Now, getting involved in this kind of relationship is not healthy at all. Aside, allowing time wasters, it can prevent / hinder the real people from getting close.

To avoid wasting precious time on fruitless relationships, You may want to consider these few points.

Define your relationship from the onset: Do not get involved in a relationship where you live by the day, it must be clearly defined from the beginning so no one assumes what it's not. This will allow you know the kind of thing you are getting into, if that is what you want or otherwise. If they are not talking, ask questions, but do it in a polite subtle way so you don't appear desperate. There is nothing wrong in asking, because it is your time and your life.

Don't ignore the warning signals: Some of us see the signs that suggests that the relationship is headed for a rock, yet we hang on under the pretence that it can only get better. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It becomes a game of chance. 

Recognize how committed they are: Ask your self some simple basic questions about your so-called partner. How often do you see them? Do they remember you when they are bored and perhaps lonely and they just need someone to hangout with? Are they interested in the real you or what you have in your pants?

Hey, hey, know what you're worth: You are beautiful, smart and intelligent. Knowing your worth can save your time, because you will not be hanging on in a relationship that goes nowhere. You won't be afraid that no one else will come if you let these ones go, because you will always remember that he that will come will surely come. You don't necessarily need to prove a point as to what they stand to benefit should they consider a serious relationship. Especially for my dear female folks, you don't need to begin to cook, do his laundry, get involved with his family as a way of gaining acceptance or to secure your place.

Need I say more? I'm sure we have a good idea of what I am talking about.

Finally, Ephesians 5:16-17 encourage us to make the best use of our time, because the days are evil, as such we should not be foolish, but understand the will of God for us.

Remember, it takes wisdom to build a house but understanding is what gets it established.