Dating

Franca and JB (not real names) met in the office where they were working. The duo were always together, came to the office together and go home together in JB's car, had lunch together, went to the cinema among other things and they appeared quite happy and committed to each other at least to their friends and colleagues.

Occasionally, Franca would visit him during the weekend, helped him with some chores and generally they had good times together.

During one of the visits, one thing led to another and they had "carnal knowledge of each other" which resulted in pregnancy. Going by the depth of their relationship, Franca was quite excited when she found out as she had assumed that the next step would be marriage plans. Weekend came and she went to visiting. As they settled down to lunch, she broke the news to him and he subtly asked her the person responsible. She was shocked to her marrows to hear the question because in the 18 month+ period that they have been seeing each other, he had not seen her with any other guy.

Then a serious argument ensued (for the first time) as to whether he promised her marriage or ever proposed to her. This went on for weeks and eventually got their parents involved. To cut the long story short, JB only agreed to accept the paternity of the child but would not marry Franca, because unknown to her, he had a fiancée who was studying abroad and he wasn't willing to let go of her.

She was so pained and embarrassed by the decision but she had no other choice but to accept because abortion was not to be considered. She became a single mother at a little above 27 years.

The story above gives an insight as to why being in an undefined relationship is not healthy. One would have thought that these guys were heading to the altar going by how much they were into each other, but alas, they were not because they were only dating and she was too blinded by the attention she was getting that she began to assume instead of discussing and reaching a conclusion. No family member was involved in their relationship which made neither accountable.

So today, we shall be looking at another pre-marital relationship known as Dating and how it is different from Courtship.

Dating and courtship are often used interchangeably. People go into both relationships with the aim of having a better understanding of their partner but the prevailing activities are the differentiating factors.

Dating is a form of relationship consisting of social activities by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner.

The society has made us believe that dating couple can enjoy all the privileges of marriage and this has caused more pain than the intended benefits. As a result of this, we have seen a high rise in number of single mothers (as in the case of Franca), children are being brought up without a father figure resulting in more decadence in the society. Some lives have been cut short in their prime as a result of pregnancy termination which has caused more hurt for their families among other things.

Dating is different from Courtship in so many ways of which some are highlighted below:

• Dating doesn't necessarily require any form of maturity (financial, mental, physical), afterall, teenagers date.
• People do not begin courting until they are ready for marriage. So the end is defined from the beginning.
• Spending time together privately is not a big deal for dating couple but it can lead to temptation that can be hard to resist.
• People in courtship are accountable to each other and perhaps parents / spiritual leaders but dating couple may not be accountable to themselves let alone anyone else.
• Dating seeks self-gratification. Each party looks forward to personal gain (what is in it for me) without considering the other person.
• Because the society tend to make us believe that one of the ways to test compatibility while dating is by experiment as such co-habitation becomes handy.
• Commitment comes before intimacy in courtship while it's not compulsorily so in dating.

We acknowledge that each relationship is unique as such all cannot be handled the same way but there are some basic principles that apply across board. Therefore, we are enjoined to look and be sure we have seen before we leap.

Till next week Tuesday when we come your way again, remember, a house is built through Wisdom.