Successful marriage is not by accident Pt 2

Happy new months to you, ten is a symbol of double grace, may we experience this in all spheres of our lives IJN. Sincerely, I must say a very big thank you to you people for your feedback, you guys are my inspiration.

Let me say here that we acknowledge the fact that each marriage is unique, we only try to provide a guide on how we can achieve the purpose of God in our relationship. There are no two homes that can be same because the parties involved are different and the circumstances surrounding them are not same, however, there are some principles that cut across, which I guess when applied will give some level of comfort and stability in our relationships. Take the issue of trust for example, I'm sure there is nobody in a relationship who does not want to be trusted, even those that came together by cheating on their previous partners.

We know that God instituted marriage for a purpose, but how many marriages fulfill this purpose and that it is supposed to be enjoyed not endured, but how many marriages are being enjoyed. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying people are not enjoying their marriages, but what is the percentage compare to those that are just hanging on. A whole lot of us at least in this part of the world are still in our marriages perhaps because of our children or the fear of being stigmatized by the society not necessarily because we are enjoying our marriages.

If you have the opportunity of counselling intending couples, you will understand the reason for the high rate of divorce and separation as some of them don't even understand why they want to marry or why they want that person in particular.

God created man with emotions, but how we engage our emotions is totally up to us. That a pastor divorced his wife doesn't mean it's in line with God’s purpose or it’s right neither that fact that the person is called a Pastor means he has a relationship with God or understands God’s purpose for the institution. The bible tells us that the only reason people should consider divorce is only on the basis of Fornication, but we know that married people don't fornicate, indirectly, He is telling us that divorce is not be an option.

As married people, we will have admirers, we will even admire others, in my opinion this is not wrong in itself, neither does it contradict God’s plan and purpose but how we react to the admiration that is not to or from our spouse is very key. King David committed adultery with Bathsheba not just because he saw her bathing, but when he saw, he began to look, perhaps, someone also (his subject) also encouraged by telling him he could go and call her for the king, then the thought became established until he eventually committed.  Admiration is a part of life. Imagine if no one tells you how beautiful you look or how well you dress fits at least once in the course of a week, how cool will you feel with yourself? I'm sure you will wonder if you are still in town 😀.

Now, back to the business of the day, we were talking about those materials that are necessary in laying the foundation for a successful marriage. They include:

v  Respect:  To respect is to show regard for someone. Any healthy relationship including marriage should be built on mutual respect. Wives should learn to respect their husbands and vice versa. Unfortunately, some men haven't learnt how to respect their women properly as, they see them as second class citizens. When a man respects his woman, he will not tear her down before family or friends but will rather defend her. In this manner, woman will not slap her husband if she holds him in high regard, irrespective of the prevailing circumstance. Dr. Myles Munroe of blessed memory said that whosoever desire respect must show it to others and live in a way worthy of same.

v  Commitment: This is one word that many are afraid of in our society today. The fear of being tied down into any long term relationship is one of the reasons we have lots of baby mamas and baby daddy around, in fact we now celebrate single parenthood. Aside this, some even exchange vows at the altar with their lips without committing to the vows. That explains why some people will tell you that marriage is for better for stay, for worse for go.

v  Submission: This is another material for a good foundation. Whenever we hear the word submission, we are quick to remember the bible passage that says “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands – Eph 5:22” but we ignore the preceding verse which says “Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear / reverence of God – Eph 5:21”.This tells us that submission is two sided, as the woman will submit, so also the man should. There is nothing demeaning in this because it should be done out of reverence to God.

v  Faithfulness: this has a lot to do with trust. It doesn't just involve sexual fidelity, but also include defending your spouse. Purpose in your heart to be faithful to your spouse and the marriage.

v  Financial capability: Even the bible says Money answers all things. Truth be told, we need money to run the home, either to pay house rent, cater for the family etc. it will be disastrous if the couple are not earning income.

This is how much we will discuss on this topic, till next week Tuesday, always remember that a house is built by Wisdom but Understanding establishes it.